Today I found myself in a much better place than past weeks. I am content, happy, joyful, and filled with a calming sense of knowing I am doing my best. I know I am not perfect, and that I have not been 100% the definition of "do as I do;" but I am grateful for the path I have taken to arrive where I am. and I am excited to see where it will take me in the future! Although I wish I had the power to be 100% ideal all on my own, I've learned more about myself and where true power to practice dedication and perseverance really comes from by being imperfect and needing help.
The ironic thing is though, although I am in a much better place as I type these words. This weekend I found myself in the exact same place I have been almost every weekend I can remember since deciding I wanted to give NPC Bikini competition a real shot and commit to my Bombshell plan. Let me break down the situation: I found myself wanting pleasure and satisfaction in my cravings and desires - of something as silly and meaningless as a chocolate chip cookie, peanut butter, and a bowl of icecream - more than I wanted to stay commited and strong - sticking to my healthy, exact, and ultimately much better (albeit boring at times) food plan.
I didn't feel like I wanted to fight the temporary (key word!) satisfaction in pursuit of a longer lasting goal... my mind was telling me: "What's really gonna hurt if you just feed your desire a little? You're human, you have cravings! Other people satisfy their cravings all the time, why can't you just do the same? It's normal. It's innocent to want what you want. Go ahead, you won't feel guilty... I promise." STOP. Stop the mind-games. Stop the temptation. Stop the 'just-a-little-bit-won't-hurt' mentality and get real... there's things worth struggling for, and the there's lessons worth learning... today God taught me a lesson He's beein trying to teach me for a long time!
I'm no preacher, but I know a really good one! Click the link to listen to Any Joyce's sermon on "Provision" in the "Killing the Flesh" series. I was there when it was recorded at our church, but I listened to it again on the Abundant Life Fellowship website and it's struck a chord with me that I don't think I was ready to accept before.
Every thing, every day, and every situation happens for a specific reason; and God uses them to form and sculpt us into the woman (or perhaps man) that Our Heavenly Father has planned for us to be. God loves us so incredibly much that He already made provision for the times we will fail, sin, and even directly come against His promise, so that even despite it all... we will still reach victory and joy in this life; and have the glorified, perfect, eternal life He had gifted us to enjoy forever after when we leave this world.
Isn't that awesome? And I can't even begin to explain the depth of His love that not only promises us joy, life, and purity after we leave this earth... but He also leads us closer and closer to Him here on earth in the meanwhile! Oh, I'm sorry... Do I sound like a broken record? Is it getting old only ever hearing about how GOD is doing it all, how GOD is the one guiding my path, my dedication, and my success? Maybe it's the first time you've heard me say it... but either way, I am gonna say it now: I am NOT capable of accomplishing even a 'pretty good effort' towards my goals on my own, even if I do consider them the desires of my heart. I am imperfect, weak, and utterly driven by ridiculous fleshly desires and cravings that are embarrassingly short-signed and self-detructive to my future happiness and desires. Yes, I have no self-control whatsoever!!!
Here's the kicker though, I don't have to have the power, and I never will. I'll always come up short, especially if I start to think I can muster it up inside of myself the ability to "want it" more than I don't want to sacrifice in the present.
Today I finally realized that I don't need to keep God in my back pocket, and use His power when I am having a particularly weak moment or a bad day... I need to stay desperate and dependent on Him at all times! I don't want to go a day, or even a breath without leaning on my rock and power-source all the way, every day.
In my weakness He is strong ... (so this means He is strong ALL THE TIME!)
Let me leave you with this passage from Paul's letter to his friend and fellow believer Timothy. To all my friends and fellow believers let me remind you of the same thing!
The ironic thing is though, although I am in a much better place as I type these words. This weekend I found myself in the exact same place I have been almost every weekend I can remember since deciding I wanted to give NPC Bikini competition a real shot and commit to my Bombshell plan. Let me break down the situation: I found myself wanting pleasure and satisfaction in my cravings and desires - of something as silly and meaningless as a chocolate chip cookie, peanut butter, and a bowl of icecream - more than I wanted to stay commited and strong - sticking to my healthy, exact, and ultimately much better (albeit boring at times) food plan.
I didn't feel like I wanted to fight the temporary (key word!) satisfaction in pursuit of a longer lasting goal... my mind was telling me: "What's really gonna hurt if you just feed your desire a little? You're human, you have cravings! Other people satisfy their cravings all the time, why can't you just do the same? It's normal. It's innocent to want what you want. Go ahead, you won't feel guilty... I promise." STOP. Stop the mind-games. Stop the temptation. Stop the 'just-a-little-bit-won't-hurt' mentality and get real... there's things worth struggling for, and the there's lessons worth learning... today God taught me a lesson He's beein trying to teach me for a long time!
I'm no preacher, but I know a really good one! Click the link to listen to Any Joyce's sermon on "Provision" in the "Killing the Flesh" series. I was there when it was recorded at our church, but I listened to it again on the Abundant Life Fellowship website and it's struck a chord with me that I don't think I was ready to accept before.
Every thing, every day, and every situation happens for a specific reason; and God uses them to form and sculpt us into the woman (or perhaps man) that Our Heavenly Father has planned for us to be. God loves us so incredibly much that He already made provision for the times we will fail, sin, and even directly come against His promise, so that even despite it all... we will still reach victory and joy in this life; and have the glorified, perfect, eternal life He had gifted us to enjoy forever after when we leave this world.
Isn't that awesome? And I can't even begin to explain the depth of His love that not only promises us joy, life, and purity after we leave this earth... but He also leads us closer and closer to Him here on earth in the meanwhile! Oh, I'm sorry... Do I sound like a broken record? Is it getting old only ever hearing about how GOD is doing it all, how GOD is the one guiding my path, my dedication, and my success? Maybe it's the first time you've heard me say it... but either way, I am gonna say it now: I am NOT capable of accomplishing even a 'pretty good effort' towards my goals on my own, even if I do consider them the desires of my heart. I am imperfect, weak, and utterly driven by ridiculous fleshly desires and cravings that are embarrassingly short-signed and self-detructive to my future happiness and desires. Yes, I have no self-control whatsoever!!!
Here's the kicker though, I don't have to have the power, and I never will. I'll always come up short, especially if I start to think I can muster it up inside of myself the ability to "want it" more than I don't want to sacrifice in the present.
Today I finally realized that I don't need to keep God in my back pocket, and use His power when I am having a particularly weak moment or a bad day... I need to stay desperate and dependent on Him at all times! I don't want to go a day, or even a breath without leaning on my rock and power-source all the way, every day.
In my weakness He is strong ... (so this means He is strong ALL THE TIME!)
Let me leave you with this passage from Paul's letter to his friend and fellow believer Timothy. To all my friends and fellow believers let me remind you of the same thing!
"I have been reminded of your sincere faith... which LIVES in you. For this reason I remind you to fan into FLAME the gift of God, which IS in you. For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, LOVE, and self-DISCIPLINE."
2 Timothy 1:3-7.
Wow, it was so great to read this. Thank you Ruthie!! I'm a fellow bombshell sister and believer and this blog really helped me out today! Thank you for writing this blog and sharing your personal journey in the program AND your walk with God.
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