When is FIT NOT HEALTHY?

If I asked you: "Do you want to be healthy?" you probably make up your mind without skipping a beat and answer,  "Yes." Not healthy is no fun; just remember the last time you were home with a stomach flu. Sick = Sucky. 

If I asked you: "Do you want to be in great shape? To look fit?" I would hazard to guess the answer would again be, without hardly thinking, "Yes." Granted, some people do not want to be in great shape more than they want to party, to eat as much as they want of what they want, to drink $5 lattes, or to avoid all physical exertion... but they DO want to be in shape too. 

If I asked you: "Which is more important: to be healthy, or to be in great shape?" you might have to think a bit longer ... Wait, aren't those basically the same thing? Mutually inclusive at least? Related? Isn't a fit, attractive, slim, toned body merely the physical manifestation and effect of a healthy lifestyle? And if so, doesn't being in great shape necessitate and therefore include being healthy? It seems so silly to question whether one would rather prefer health or to be in great shape. Doesn't fitness cause health, and doesn't health encourage fitness? Like so: 

HEALTH <--> FITNESS

NO. You are right to think that fitness follows, and is encouraged by, being healthy... but the question: "Which is more important - to be healthy, or to be in great shape?" isn't silly, and it is not a stupid question! In fact, it is no laughing matter the lengths I have seen many people go to, myself most definitely included, to GAIN the physical appearance of a fit body at the COST of health. It is entirely possible, and by definition extremely unhealthy, to achieve the look of a fit body without possessing what should be the root cause of fitness: your health. 

Your health is really a sum of three parts: 

(1) A healthy mind 

(2) A healthy body

(3) A healthy spirit 

Without ANY of the three parts, the sum is incomplete and you are, by definition, unhealthy. The lack of wellness, 'sickness,' in one of the three creates an unhealthy condition in the whole person!

Sadly - there is a dark and vile lie that has infected the minds of many on their quest for health - but has NOTHING TO DO WITH HEALTH! In women especially, the lie reads like this: 

LIE:

"My physical appearance can, should, 

& must be improved...at any cost."

This is where the kind of should-be-used-for-good mantras:

"no pain no gain," 

"if it hurts, it's working," 

"suck it up cupcake," 

"suffer now, reap the results later" 

... all snowball into a self-centered, self-condemning, self-destructing prophesy of extreme measures so you can just look in shape! No health required. 

Ladies and gentlemen: this is where Health is NOT = Fitness. This is trecherous territory. This pounding, throbbing, insatiable desire to be attractive and look "in shape" has lead men and women astray in a multitude of horrendous, and sometimes even subtle, ways. It has lead women to the tip of a knife for a nip and a tuck; to the makeup counter for more coverage and less freckles, 10X fuller lashes, and 5X fuller lips; to the gym for 3 hours of cardio and hundreds of crunches to lose a muffin top; to the latest overpriced, fad diet with only juice and powdered food to subside on in return for a new, slim physique - fast.... only to spend longer than we'd like to admit pinching and checking our bodies in the mirror for any signs of reduced body fat, freshly sprouted six-pack abs, smaller pores, or fuller brows... we search and search for even any sign of improvement; always coming up short of where we "should be." 

Where has the lie lead you? You can probably think of many ways that you have personally believed the lie that: "you need a more perfect body.... at any cost." Whether it was stuffing your bra with socks in high school, hiding your freckles under thick makeup for pictures, or maybe not eating all day because you want to lose that last 5 pounds. This deep, pounding, throbbing, insatiable desire to be attractive and look "in shape" lead me to Bulimia Nervosa. I believed the lie too. I fell, like so many other miserably trapped men and women that I shutter to imagine their pain, into an eating disorder; an eating disorder, that took YEARS to escape. I put perfecting my physical appearance on a pedestal of such epic proportions that I could not see around it. I forgot all about the true meaning of "Health" and its three parts: mind, body, and spirit. All I could see was BODY. 

BODY

BODY

BODY

BODY

Bulimia Nervosa is only one of many terrible eating disorders, such as: anorexia, bingeing, and laxative abuse, that weasel their lying and deceitful claws into a person's mind and convince the person that: 

LIE: 

" This __ (eating disorder) __ will help you get skinny/look fit/be attractive ... and if it doesn't help - it will at least relieve the stress and pressure of the struggle to get skinny/look fit/be attractive." 

Eating disorders take root for a multitude of different reasons, one of which I know personally is the deep insecure desire to improve, and somehow continue to improve and maintain a "perfect" physique... at any cost. I was trying to fix my body. I was desperately trying to achieve what in my mind I envisioned as the "PRO BIKINI" look. It didn't help that I was also trying to meet my maximum potential to excel in the sport; to make my coach proud; to inspire my friends, family - and even strangers - to work hard and get fit; to prove my haters wrong; and to prove to myself that I was a success. Looking back, I started competing in Bikini competitions for the athletic challenge of it all, and for the sisterhood with strong incredible women. And I stayed for those same reasons, and the platform I saw open up to share health and fitness with others and improve their lives by being a motivator, an inspiration, and an educator. I wanted to be like my idol and my hero: Jamie Eason, a fitness spokes-model with a heart of gold and a wealth of knowledge. The way I saw it, I HAD to succeed!! Anything less than reaching a perfectly fit physique would be a grave failure to not only reach my potential but to inspire others. NOT an option. 

Hold on,  wait... do you see the disconnect here? I wanted other people to get fit too, and I absolutely still do, but there's just one blatantly obvious problem with the way I was going about it...

PROBLEM:

If healthier is happier, WHY are so many women (like me) making themselves MISERABLE in the name of health and fitness!?

I don't have all the answers, but through conquering my own demons and realizing my own motives for being UNHEALTHY to achieve the perception of health I have discovered the "why's" behind my SICKNESS, and that is what ultimately led me to finding my HEALTH. I sincerely hope  that by identifying these unhealthy thought patterns I can save someone - maybe you - from repeating my wretched mistakes and developing an eating disorder. That is why I write these things, that is why I investigate and explore these dark problems - to prevent them from being repeated. 

What I learned from my own experience is this: 

The dark and treacherous lie of, "My physical appearance can, should, and must be improved ... at any cost." or in other words, "Get attractive at any cost." sneaks in because it starts with acknowledging that there is some beginnings of beauty, attractiveness, a body to be admired - or at the very least there is some potential! Potential, that if left untapped would be FAILURE.  See? It started out positive. It started with: 

"You are special, Ruthie."

"You can help so many people - keep it up, keep pushing."

"You could have a great Pro career."

"You could be great." 

Wow, no pressure! The pressure literally (excuse the pun) ate me alive. Read all about that in my other post: Victory Without Competition.  I was on a fast-track to success, and a fast-track to failure at the same exact time! I crashed and burned. But now, it is like night and day - I see my past as a stark contrast to my future, and the challenge to "improve," "be better," "be great," "help so many people," and "inspire others" are no longer reasons to PANIC and eat everything in sight only to purge it back out in a matter of minutes; no - I see this challenge is an amazing opportunity, and it actually brings me great peace and joy to think of my potential! 

You are probably wondering, so I'll ask for you.... 

THE MILLION DOLLAR QUESTION: 

WHAT CHANGED? WHAT DID I LEARN?

ANSWER: 

I DON'T HAVE TO BE PERFECT TO DO ANY  OF THE AMAZING THINGS I HAVE THE POTENTIAL FOR. IF FACT, MY IMPERFECTION IS WHAT MAKES THE GREATNESS OF MY IMPACT.

Read that to yourself, release yourself from a quest for perfection (at any cost) and allow the possibility of increased efficacy due to your imperfection become your new vision. It's so simple I almost missed it. I missed it for a long time, in fact! So simple, yet SO POWERFUL. My imperfect holds strength??? It increases my potential to help others and make a difference in their lives for the better??? Yes, and yes. So, since I learned it the hard way, promise me you'll learn from my experience! 

Lesson: in your imperfection lies your beauty, your greatness, and your unique, priceless qualities. Love yourself and all those imperfections. Keep your mind from hating your body, from squelching your spirit, and destroying your health. The way we see our bodies begins and ends in the mind; therefore, to be "in good shape" does in fact necessitate health (mind, body, spirit) so make it your #1 priority to obtain Optimal Health in MIND, BODY, and SPIRIT. 

SO - after learning all that - I will continue to work hard, eat clean, be a voice for health and fitness, and keep working towards my own Optimal Health. I am stronger now that ever.  After going through all those years of self-hatred and perfection-seeking, I think I can survive a couple intense workouts to improve my fitness!! Going through a great struggle makes enduring smaller struggles absolutely conquerable.

I am not a victim and I am not broken; and I am most DEFINITELY NOT done working hard, staying focused and one day realizing my dream job of being a fitness motivator, writer, and model. I can make my dreams into reality despite what I have done wrong in the past, and so can you ;)  

Blessings,

Ruthie xoxo 

Follow-Up: Victory Without Competition Part II

After my last blog post about suffering through an eating disorder after starting to compete in bikini competitions, someone asked me: "Is possible to compete without being unhealthy and doing all this?"... oh my gosh, YES! 

If you had this thought ^ please read my blog again. I talk about some women who I consider to be great example of how to be a healthy, balanced competitor without developing an eating disorder, or a disorder of any kind for that matter. 
Linked here: My Testimony of Overcoming Bulimia: "Victory Without Competition" 

The truth is, MANY men and women do compete in a healthy way. An eating disorder is NOT the only outcome from competing, but on the same note... sadly for many - it is the outcome. Many factors play into the difference between a healthy and a non-healthy competitor: the workouts (excessive?), the diet (strict? repetitive? unrealistic? too specific?), the person's goals (unrealistic? unhealthy?), the person's disposition (perfectionist?), support system (is there any?), pressure from others (or from self), self-esteem (is it low?), background (problem with food before?) ...etc. Just like not every soldier gets post-traumatic stress disorder after war or every college student gains the freshman 15; not every competitor binges, purges, and/or has bulimia after undergoing a contest prep. I mean no disrespect by the soldier analogy... soldiers undergo a much more valiant pursuit that a bikini show. In either area of "war" though, either against an eating disorder or against depression after war, there is a massive amount of mental trauma. A soldier battles a physical enemy on a battlefield, and later the demons and mental issues in the battlefield of the mind. For me, the physical enemy was myself. Both of us experienced very real traumas. The way someone handles stress and deals with the emotional trauma of pressure, physical difficulty, anger, depression, sadness, etc is unique to the individual and that - combined with a multitude of other factors - produces either a good or bad stress reaction. Mine was obviously very bad. 

Also, I want to just draw attention to the idea that I take full personal responsibility for my choices that led me to where I was; meaning I don't blame the sport, my coach, my teammates, my family...anyone. I personally was the one who made the choice to continue to compete and try to get "more perfect" even after I started seeing problems with food arise.  I do NOT blame ANYONE else for the outcome! I did what I did; and I learned what I'm not sure I would have ever learned about myself otherwise. I really wish I could have gotten stronger through something less torturous... but when I really think about it I am glad for my troubles. I have had amazing opportunities to speak hope into ladies lives who are in the darkest depths of where I was... and encourage them that there is a way out - and show them that way out: counseling, Cognitive Behavioral therapy, adjustments to body image/goals. Through this struggle I inadvertently also taught myself the VERY important lesson that YOU MUST LOVE YOURSELF and NOT see "success" and "perfection" as superior aspirations to JOY and HEALTH. I share my story not to bash anyone or any sport, but to share what I have learned (the hard way) so that it will Lord-willing help someone out there who needed to hear something like this. God will use my story for someone's healing, He already has! I had to first endure it, and then be vulnerable and brave enough to write an honest account of my experience. I hope no one goes through what I did, but if you are going through it now - know that it is TEMPORARY and you CAN escape.

After writing my blog post, some very courageous and strong ladies shared their amazing stories with me and I wanted to pass along their encouraging stories of victory here. They overcame not only eating disorders; but poor body image, negative self talk, pressure from themselves and society, and the perfection rat-race. An eating disorder is not just a behavior you start or stop - there is a ROOT cause. THAT is what must be healed and/or removed to repair the eating habits.

Other blogs:

• Former teammate of mine, IFBB Bikini Pro Shelsea Montes' story 
• FitGalChal's story
• My friend, and former teammate, Electra's story @ VanillaBeanLean 
• Angie Gooding's story

An amazingly powerful quote from Fit Gal Chal:

" I know how it feels to hate your self, and I also know how it feels to love yourself. I can promise you that loving yourself has so many more benefits. "

Fit Gal Chal also said this, which I can completely agree with in my own story: 

"There is NO one person, or one thing to blame for the onset of my struggles. The possible genes I was born with, my long history in the dance world with the “thin ideal” being my goal, my own insecurities, not handling stress in healthy ways, my need for perfection, and plenty more things all played equal roles as the triggers and onset of my unhealthy, addictive behaviors." 

 

Bex, of BexLife.com said this: "Body hate knows no size. You could be a 6 foot tall 100 lb model and hate your body.” Which is sadly so so true. I was a 5'10" 130lb bikini athlete and hated my body- it needed so many improvements (in my former, super critical perfectionist opinion). 

Electra said this in her post, "What's Beautiful" on Vanilla Bean Lean (linked above) blog, which is such an empowering and beautiful statement:

"I will continue to walk the walk myself & inspire others that a lean lifestyle is NOT about deprivation but about fueling each day and each intense, sweaty workout session with proper fuel. I will continue to transform my body and remind myself I am beautiful, daily! I will fuel, not deprive. I will be excellent, not perfect."

Amen, Electra!! Below is the YouTube video I published a to thank ya'll of the incredible support I've received since I wrote my testimony/confession of struggling with an eating disorder. 

In the video I also mention some steps I am taking to regain my health after totally trashing it with competing, overtraining, overSTRESSING, bulimia, not sleeping, etc. I have my work cut out for me but I am being kind to my body now and progress will be slow but stead to recover my full health. I have been researching Adrenal Fatigue over at my  Ruthie Harrison Athlete Page on Facebook. Post-bulimia, I've learned things I WISH I KNEW when I competed!! EVERYONE who trains and is looking to improve their fitness (not just competitors) should go read what I've learned about excessive cardio & chiropractic work ... those two things alone will make a HUGE effect on how healthy you are. 

I can't say thank you enough for accepting me, even with a big terrible battle, with open arms! I love ya'll! 

Blessings,

Ruthie 

Art Imitating Life, or Life Imitating Art?

Oscar Wilde once said in his 1889 essay The Decay of Lying that "Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life."

In the essay, Wilde holds that such anti-mimesis "results not merely from Life's imitative instinct, but from the fact that the self-conscious aim of Life is to find expression, and that Art offers it certain beautiful forms through which it may release that energy."

Isn't that a gracefully-accurate description of the life-long desire of us all? To find something in life that conveys one's "self" and expresses your individual talents, personality, and tastes.
At some point, we have all found ourselves wanting "more" out of life from time to time... Sadly, for some this quest is left unfulfilled; even as death stops the search for good.

For others, however, the search ends joyously - in either the practice of art as one's lifework and job; or the consention to practice art as more or less a hobby, but one that adds expression to life none-the-less. I must note that, as Christians, we are "not of this world" (John 15:19--If ye were of the world, the world would love his own; but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you.) ... So there will always be a certain deep yearning desire for something we cannot find in this world; whether we look at the beauty in the world itself or we can form art from within ourselves (expression). 

God's art = nature ... 

... Flowers...

.... the scenes of fall....

.... clouds.... 

... snowflakes.... AND.... 

... in US... the human form. 

God created beautiful art when He made the world and
when He made humans to live in the world. 

Despite an ever-present God-filled void, God DID put us on this earth in the first place, and He wants us to have life, "and life more abundant."  We can most assuredly express ourselves and find joy in releasing the energy within ourselves. 

HOW? Well, to each his own.
For me: I find a great artistic quality to the human body itself. Much as I see nature's beauty as the masterpiece at the tip of God's paint brush- so I consider the human body when it is in its peak condition. This is what drives me to train, to persistently perform at my highest level, to improve on a daily basis, to cut away all which holds me back, and to pursue that which drives me continually upward in mind, body, and spirit. It is impossible to train the body without conquering the mind and nourishing the spirit.

Physical training is taking care of your
God given personal masterpiece 

Joy comes from treating God's creation
(yourself and others) with great care and love

I tap my joy and satisfaction from knowing I am doing my best to care for my own God-given vessel, and inspiring others to do the same by sharing my growth, victories, and failures. That's my life as art. In my experience, if life is lived to the fullest- Life IS Art and Art IS Life. I say this because of the uniqueness of each human life. I believe that no life is an imitation of another, but instead: each is completely original, unique, and organically all its own.

Does your life imitate "art?" To answer this, first I must ask- what is artistic to you? What organic beauty do you find yourself striving to be like/ be with/ see/ do ....
After you've identified what you consider to be art, answer me this: 
Is it true that "Life imitates Art far more than Art imitates Life." ???
Or, as I suggest- Life IS Art and Art IS Life.

I know this is kind of a different topic than usual, but as I was searching for the "next step" in my life I fell into the question of, "What do I want to do with this life?" In the end it came down to: I want to love like God loved me; I want to share that love, and live in that love. I discovered that any accomplishments that I can write up beside my name mean NOTHING if I don't have love... so why not let my life be my song (a form of art) to sing praises to my King, and to bring joy to my spirit? I want nothing more.

Blessings,
~ Ruthie

A Bombshell Valentines Day ♥

~ Happy Valentines Day to all my Lovely Readers!! ~

My awesome friend Bobby Black made me
this cute little V-day card! I hope you like :)

I just want to give you all a great big hug and say THANK YOU for making me feel so loved, blessed, and joyful. I got to meet a couple readers over the weekend when I was down in Daytona over the weekend at Bombshell SuperCamp whipping my booty into shape and WOW... I am soooo honored to be looked up to as a fitness motivator and inspiration by the very women who inspire ME. How lucky am I?!? Or as I like to say it, blessed.

I would not be able to keep such a positive attitude, and a desire and love for the sport of Bikini competitions, and the world of fitness if I didn't have my Bombshell teammates (sistas), my amazing blog readers, my family, and my friends who've been there long before I ever stepped on a stage or typed a word onto this blog. I thank and love each one of you from the bottom of my heart.

   As Philippians 2:2 says, You "complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, and being in full accord." ... Without like-minded fitness guys and gals like YOU I'd feel oh so alone. But I don't, I feel loved and appreciated :)

 I'll be posting photos from Bombshell Camp later this week, but in the meanwhile, stop by my Facebook fan page: Ruthie Harrison - Bikini Athlete Fan Page, there's a few pictures posted there!

Lots of love,
~Ruthie

Sunday Share... Love

Hi ya'll,

Thank you to all of you who replied to my last post on gaining ultimate victory over an eating disorder. I am taking it one day at a time! I just want to be transparent that I have not been 100% perfect even after putting effort in to overcome night eating and binging even though I've been focusing on having Godly self-control and moderation. This is a journey, one which I have not yet reached the end of... but every day I give my best effort and I am learning each day to rely more and more on my great God's power and love to be all that I need - not food. (of course I still eat, just not too much )

Speaking of our great God, I have been really been challenged lately to expand my realization of His great love for us. I didn't even comprehend this before I started struggling with overcoming my eating woes and training for competiton... but when I started holding myself to higher levels of self-control and discipline I started to feel a lot of negative emotions when I'd not have a perfect day, such as doubt, self-punishment, sadness and fear for the future, which made me really really need  an unconditional love like I've always had with Jesus, but never really took possesion of. You know how if someone ghave you a gift, such as a free ipod of something and you never used it it'd basically be like you didn't have it? Well that's where I've been with the free gift of God's love... I wasn't living it in or acting like I had it!! God has been using all his daughters (women in the church) to reach out and tell me He reall truly does love me and it's been a really powerful experience so far. And it only started on Friday!

I can only imagine what is to come, as 1 Corinthians 2:9 says, "The eye has not seen and the ear has not heard, nor has there even been conceived in the mind of man the things that God has prepared for those that love him."

This "Sunday Share" is all about God's love, so here's a couple photos of things I love!

I love my amazing parents, who're both a another year wiser this month :)

I love my sister, Sarah, who's a world away in Australia

I love my brother Matthew, who's always been there for me./

And here's a little music to end your Sunday with:

Blessings,

Ruthie xoxo