IRON-will

Hey ya'll,

I just wanted to check in before my next competition, the Ironman, on Saturday. I don't know why but my confidence is low, my stress is high, and I feel like I am not ready at all! Please pray for confidence, joy and most of all- sanity haha.

I chalk half of it up to a less than perfect week of my diet, coupled with lots of tests in school, bad-skin (break-outs ugh), no sleep, and waaayyyy too much on my plate with school and work; plus way to little in my bank account haha. All those factors and missing church and my Friday night college church group have contributed to lowered self confidence and fear of failure!

I got such great feedback on my preformance in the competition at the Olympia this weekend, and from interacting with industry professionals such as photographers and fitness celebrities that I am now afraid to fail! I know this is what I want to be doing, but I also know I am terrified to death of trying too hard and stealing my joy and making it no longer fun.



I just need to remember that the goal is to just share my love for this sport and inspire others to get out there and overcome their fears to do something they love too. Something that they can share with others and practice determination, self control, and using God's power to accomplish their goals.

I love seeing others suceed and it's so gratifying to have even a small part in it. It makes me feel so much more at ease and full of joy that God IS using me the way I was hoping he was! 

Anywho, if ya wanna stop by and see all the action there's directions and show info for the Ironman if you click here.

Goodnight friends and thanks for listening :)

" So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
~  Isaiah 41:10

Blessings,
Ruthie

~Wordy Wednesday~

Gah, so much to say today!!

I think I need another me to blog for me when I'm too busy to post about all the fun times, training progress, random cool stuff and upcoming events while I'm out living it all. I hate how time flies when you're having fun! Any takers for the job :p ?

What I am really loving lately is all the girl time I've had this week! Even though my biking plans with Danielle fell through (poor thing was sooo overbooked on her b-day, I completely understand!) I still had a ton of good girl-time. First there was a movie with Kinjal, then hiking with Leana, and church with Kim, Alyssa and Natasha, plus more girl time at the gym. Yeya :)

The last day of my internship at PSNS is TODAY(!) but hanging out with my friends really took the loneliness and anxiety out of my last few days in Washington. It also helped me conquer the stress I was feeling about future competition and modeling.

Why was I stressed? Well, several Facebook "friends" decided to share their opinions on my lifestyle... in a very aggresive way. This is old news now; since then I have saught counsel from my Christian friends, my mom, my fellow competitiors, and the Man Upstairs Himself... But still, I was really shook up about this topic. Here goes: One of my Facebook "friends" gave me advice on 'following Godly principles' of modesty and women's roles in the world, and on not 'pursuing joy of the world' by chasing my dreams of going Pro and of being a fitness model someday; citing some good points on how women do have a responsibility to not purposefully (key word) induce lustful thoughts from men, and how we should strive to not fulfill wordly desires of our own (he was of the opinion that I cannot compete and model while still pleasing God. But I beg to differ! Watch me honor God in this pursuit; you don't have to believe in me, JESUS already does and that's enough for me.) I guess he is entitled to his opinion and he says he is trying to look out for me, so I appreciate the thought, but not the methods (come-on, don't tell me I don't have spiritual/scriptural back-up for my views. I DO.)

I'm a crier, so this took a lot outa me at first, but then I ATTACKED that negativity with positivity! I was blindsided by his harsh assumptions/ judgements and overbearing opinions, but after the storm always comes a rainbow and that's where I am now. Never to look back! I am soooo amped up about training, keeping 100% on my diet plan, chasing my dreams, giving every day my best effort towards the end goal, working extra hard to keep God at the center, reading my Bible more, rooting out the un-Godly 'food worship' I had goin' on, and really doing an all around RESET and REFRESH. Praising Jesus all the way!

Thanks hater ;)

My girls (gotta give it to the girls on this one) also help me blast past my issues with disordered eating and make it through the last 3 days without giving into night eating even once!! Thank you Jesus for using your daughters as conduits of your power to help their sista out :) I felt so powerless to end the cycle of eating in the middle of the night and wrestling with guilt the next day, plus I was really starting to develop very unhealthy issues with eating anything at all. So much garbage was piling up in my mind (and in my stomach too unfortunately, due to those middle of the night binges) but since coming out in the open about my struggles and bringing in the backup - accountability partner, Leana, the Holy Spirit, and "Go To Scripts" from the "Made To Crave Book" (thank you Kim!)- I feel like I hit the emotional "refresh" button!! Now instead of obsessioning over a losing battle of will and cravings, I am winning the day, day by day, to stay on track.

So with today being my last day at PSNS, I am ready to tackle some new frontiers, whatever they might be. It's goodbye to Washington, and hello to Florida! I am flying out to Bombshell Academy Team Camp tomorrow night, where I'll meet my coach and my fellow Bombshells and spend the weekend bonding, planning my competition future, and learning more tricks of the trade ;)

 Oh how far I've come since joining Team Bombshell 3 months ago!! 

Then it's home Montana for my birthday, a short weekend with family and then school starts on August 22nd. Whew! As one chapter ends, another begins!

This is the guiding verse for my life:

"Whatever you do, work at it wholeheartedly as though you were doing it for the Lord and not merely for men." Colossians 3:23

 

Until next time,

~Ruthie

 

 

 

PS - Feeling a little defeated too lately? Kinjal shared with me this video.

Keep your head up! Things will turn out in the end :)

 

 

 

Before ... { ---- } ... After

I don't really have the answers tonight, but I wanted to share a few thoughts and the videos of songs that have inspired me today and reminded me to persevere when everything in my world seems to not want me too succeed.
Sometimes, for me it's like as soon as I decide to put a lot of effort towards something, whether it's school, a particular relationship, eating healthy, training consistently, reading my Bible, or saving money, I encounter a slew of hardships seemingly purposefully directed to cause me to fail in that venture. Do you ever feel this way? I think it is the devil working against us to detour us from the thing he knows will bring us happiness if we do succeed.

I have a recurring problem of being my own worst enemy and doing the exact thing that I know has caused me to fail in the past. Do I do it because it's familiar? Because for some reason at that moment I rationalize that it will help? Because I think I should have to work harder to truly be happy? I have no idea. I wish someone could tell me, and get me to stop doing it.

 I want to let myself be vulnerable and trust in the Lord to lead my way, not lean on my own understanding, ability or motivation. Because in the end, none of us are strong enough to do it on our own... we need our friends, our family, and our God together with our our perseverance to push when you want to just fall back and give in.



"In this very moment I'll bring everything.
No I'm not lucky, I'm blessed. Yes.
But I couldn't do it all alone. We. "


There's no other way to AFTER from BEFORE except going through the DURING. Many people get lost in the in-between because they lost motivation, hope, inspiration, or determination. Don't ever let anyone tell you you can't do something. You can. Just believe it, and keep believing....

Is there something you really want for your life? Something that makes you light up inside, and feels like the thing you were meant to do? Ask yourself now...If it takes forever, am I willing to die trying? I know it's a bold statement, but if you think it's worth doing then DO IT. And it's worth doing well.



"Seasons come and go, but I will never change... and I'm on my way."

Music can be a very powerful motivator, I know I am recharged after hearing the words I needed to hear sung over a beautiful melody or stated bluntly in a way I never would have thought to write.



"No matter what been through, no matter what you into
Never ever put them down, you just lift your arms higher
Raise 'em 'til your arms tired, let 'em know you here
That you struggling, survivin', that you gon' persevere
Ain't nobody leavin', nobody goin' home
Even if they turn the lights out, the show is goin' on. "


I pray you all succeed in finding your passion.
Peace and love my friends,
<3 Ruthie