Gah, so much to say today!!
I think I need another me to blog for me when I'm too busy to post about all the fun times, training progress, random cool stuff and upcoming events while I'm out living it all. I hate how time flies when you're having fun! Any takers for the job :p ?
What I am really loving lately is all the girl time I've had this week! Even though my biking plans with Danielle fell through (poor thing was sooo overbooked on her b-day, I completely understand!) I still had a ton of good girl-time. First there was a movie with Kinjal, then hiking with Leana, and church with Kim, Alyssa and Natasha, plus more girl time at the gym. Yeya :)
The last day of my internship at PSNS is TODAY(!) but hanging out with my friends really took the loneliness and anxiety out of my last few days in Washington. It also helped me conquer the stress I was feeling about future competition and modeling.
Why was I stressed? Well, several Facebook "friends" decided to share their opinions on my lifestyle... in a very aggresive way. This is old news now; since then I have saught counsel from my Christian friends, my mom, my fellow competitiors, and the Man Upstairs Himself... But still, I was really shook up about this topic. Here goes: One of my Facebook "friends" gave me advice on 'following Godly principles' of modesty and women's roles in the world, and on not 'pursuing joy of the world' by chasing my dreams of going Pro and of being a fitness model someday; citing some good points on how women do have a responsibility to not purposefully (key word) induce lustful thoughts from men, and how we should strive to not fulfill wordly desires of our own (he was of the opinion that I cannot compete and model while still pleasing God. But I beg to differ! Watch me honor God in this pursuit; you don't have to believe in me, JESUS already does and that's enough for me.) I guess he is entitled to his opinion and he says he is trying to look out for me, so I appreciate the thought, but not the methods (come-on, don't tell me I don't have spiritual/scriptural back-up for my views. I DO.)
I'm a crier, so this took a lot outa me at first, but then I ATTACKED that negativity with positivity! I was blindsided by his harsh assumptions/ judgements and overbearing opinions, but after the storm always comes a rainbow and that's where I am now. Never to look back! I am soooo amped up about training, keeping 100% on my diet plan, chasing my dreams, giving every day my best effort towards the end goal, working extra hard to keep God at the center, reading my Bible more, rooting out the un-Godly 'food worship' I had goin' on, and really doing an all around RESET and REFRESH. Praising Jesus all the way!
Thanks hater ;)
My girls (gotta give it to the girls on this one) also help me blast past my issues with disordered eating and make it through the last 3 days without giving into night eating even once!! Thank you Jesus for using your daughters as conduits of your power to help their sista out :) I felt so powerless to end the cycle of eating in the middle of the night and wrestling with guilt the next day, plus I was really starting to develop very unhealthy issues with eating anything at all. So much garbage was piling up in my mind (and in my stomach too unfortunately, due to those middle of the night binges) but since coming out in the open about my struggles and bringing in the backup - accountability partner, Leana, the Holy Spirit, and "Go To Scripts" from the "Made To Crave Book" (thank you Kim!)- I feel like I hit the emotional "refresh" button!! Now instead of obsessioning over a losing battle of will and cravings, I am winning the day, day by day, to stay on track.
This is the guiding verse for my life:
Until next time,
~Ruthie
PS - Feeling a little defeated too lately? Kinjal shared with me this video.
Keep your head up! Things will turn out in the end :)
